Yesterday I did a thing and now I regret that thing.
It's not even big deal.
But yeah, let's start from the beginning.
I used to fence. It was about 5 years ago, I think? Or maybe four... Anyway, I met some really cool people while training. Unfortunately, I stopped going there and shortly after I heard that the group just broke up.
It was a shame, really, but I had other things on my mind so the sadness passed quickly. I still met some people from trainings - coincidental meetings on the street, small talk etc.
Well there was this one guy that I fancied back in the days (hahahah it makes me sound so old) and I've run into him approximately two weeks ago. We talked a bit and even decided to go for a beer after I'm done with my finals. To be honest, I thought he would just forget about it and it would be over; and I would have absolutely no problem with that. But he texted me the day before yesterday and reminded about the beer we were supposed to have. Soooo we met up yesterday.
And yeah,it was nice. It rained a lot and our feet were soaked wet, but it was nice. He talked a lot, which was fine by me, since I didn't really know what I could tell him. Later we went to his place, and it turned out he draws portraits and architecture etc. (his sketches were really good!), writes (he finished a first part of his novel and gave it to me to read) and well I guess he seemed like an interesting person.
Then his friends called and wanted to meet up downstairs, so I was a bit relieved to have an excuse to go home (wow, I probably sound rude, but I didn't expect the meeting to last so long; it was past 9 o'clock and I thought it wouldn't last past 7 pm...).
He insisted on walking with me a bit so I agreed to it. Then... he asked me if I treated this meeting as a date. I didn't really know how to respond???? But on the spur of a moment, I just said "okay, we could" aaaand that's what I regret now. We kissed and he seemed very happy and insisted on meeting up again soon. Like, SOON. I told him we can meet next week, because I have some plans with classmates and friends and this weekend is kinda full, which wasn't a lie, if I may just clarify! But he wanted to have ~another date quickly... And I am very... not-assertive. And now I regret it.
Because, you know. I did fancy him a few years ago and he was really sweet, so I just agreed to it. But I don't fancy him now. I walked the rest of my home alone, and during this time I thought about what happened. I'm ashamed to say that I can't really think clearly when I'm confused and don't know what to do/say; hence I let him kiss me and agreed to another date. But gosh... There are so many reasons why I shouldn't have done that...
Not only I don't really like him all that much (he's okay, but let's say I don't want a partner like that). He's really clingy and acts like a very emotional 16 y.o., but... he's... 30... And I ain't even making this up. I actually thought he's like, 24 or 25, but on the memory stick he gave me (with the novel) was his CV and his birth date is there. So yeah. Wow. He looks younger, but... he's really thirty. Wow. Maybe if I was crazy for him, that'd be okay. But in this situation, it's a no-no.
Another reason is, I like someone else? But I just understood it yesterday? Gosh that's such a cliche, I am so embarrassed. So, right now, I don't think I'll be able to like someone else this way.
And that's not all! I am going to Cardiff to study (I HOPE! I'm like, 90% sure. I'll see if the government likes me. And I would live with my besties and it's would be the best thing ever!!! <3), so I'm not looking for a relationship right now.
But he is so clingy... He called me yesterday to be sure if I came home unharmed and to say how glad he was about the turn of events. Maybe that's sweet, but I feel awkward talking to him? And he called me today, twice! To ask if I wanted to go out for a bit and then to say sorry for staying with his friends (even though I honestly told him it was okay/I didn't care). I told him about my studies yesterday (on the phone), but it's like he's forgotten it entirely.
I feel like he genuinely wants a relationship (like, not just sex and leave. A proper relationship), and I'm just totally not ready and so unprepared for it. I believe it will turn out okay, but it's still making me nervous. I'm not even going on facebook because I know he's waiting there... I'm a terrible person. A terrible coward. Wow.
Oh, oh! And that's not even the worst! The worst thing is, I told this story to a guy I like. Yeah, the one I realized I like after it all happened. Annnnd he hasn't spoken to me today yet. We used to talk every day, then we stopped for a bit during my finals so I could concentrate on studying, but I thought we'd be back to this thing of ours. Well. We'll see. I don't really plan on confessing to him. I just want to stay friends. And maybe make out a little. No, scratch that last part. I'd be really happy if we just kept in contact and were as we used to be.
It's not even big deal.
But yeah, let's start from the beginning.
I used to fence. It was about 5 years ago, I think? Or maybe four... Anyway, I met some really cool people while training. Unfortunately, I stopped going there and shortly after I heard that the group just broke up.
It was a shame, really, but I had other things on my mind so the sadness passed quickly. I still met some people from trainings - coincidental meetings on the street, small talk etc.
Well there was this one guy that I fancied back in the days (hahahah it makes me sound so old) and I've run into him approximately two weeks ago. We talked a bit and even decided to go for a beer after I'm done with my finals. To be honest, I thought he would just forget about it and it would be over; and I would have absolutely no problem with that. But he texted me the day before yesterday and reminded about the beer we were supposed to have. Soooo we met up yesterday.
And yeah,it was nice. It rained a lot and our feet were soaked wet, but it was nice. He talked a lot, which was fine by me, since I didn't really know what I could tell him. Later we went to his place, and it turned out he draws portraits and architecture etc. (his sketches were really good!), writes (he finished a first part of his novel and gave it to me to read) and well I guess he seemed like an interesting person.
Then his friends called and wanted to meet up downstairs, so I was a bit relieved to have an excuse to go home (wow, I probably sound rude, but I didn't expect the meeting to last so long; it was past 9 o'clock and I thought it wouldn't last past 7 pm...).
He insisted on walking with me a bit so I agreed to it. Then... he asked me if I treated this meeting as a date. I didn't really know how to respond???? But on the spur of a moment, I just said "okay, we could" aaaand that's what I regret now. We kissed and he seemed very happy and insisted on meeting up again soon. Like, SOON. I told him we can meet next week, because I have some plans with classmates and friends and this weekend is kinda full, which wasn't a lie, if I may just clarify! But he wanted to have ~another date quickly... And I am very... not-assertive. And now I regret it.
Because, you know. I did fancy him a few years ago and he was really sweet, so I just agreed to it. But I don't fancy him now. I walked the rest of my home alone, and during this time I thought about what happened. I'm ashamed to say that I can't really think clearly when I'm confused and don't know what to do/say; hence I let him kiss me and agreed to another date. But gosh... There are so many reasons why I shouldn't have done that...
Not only I don't really like him all that much (he's okay, but let's say I don't want a partner like that). He's really clingy and acts like a very emotional 16 y.o., but... he's... 30... And I ain't even making this up. I actually thought he's like, 24 or 25, but on the memory stick he gave me (with the novel) was his CV and his birth date is there. So yeah. Wow. He looks younger, but... he's really thirty. Wow. Maybe if I was crazy for him, that'd be okay. But in this situation, it's a no-no.
Another reason is, I like someone else? But I just understood it yesterday? Gosh that's such a cliche, I am so embarrassed. So, right now, I don't think I'll be able to like someone else this way.
And that's not all! I am going to Cardiff to study (I HOPE! I'm like, 90% sure. I'll see if the government likes me. And I would live with my besties and it's would be the best thing ever!!! <3), so I'm not looking for a relationship right now.
But he is so clingy... He called me yesterday to be sure if I came home unharmed and to say how glad he was about the turn of events. Maybe that's sweet, but I feel awkward talking to him? And he called me today, twice! To ask if I wanted to go out for a bit and then to say sorry for staying with his friends (even though I honestly told him it was okay/I didn't care). I told him about my studies yesterday (on the phone), but it's like he's forgotten it entirely.
I feel like he genuinely wants a relationship (like, not just sex and leave. A proper relationship), and I'm just totally not ready and so unprepared for it. I believe it will turn out okay, but it's still making me nervous. I'm not even going on facebook because I know he's waiting there... I'm a terrible person. A terrible coward. Wow.
Oh, oh! And that's not even the worst! The worst thing is, I told this story to a guy I like. Yeah, the one I realized I like after it all happened. Annnnd he hasn't spoken to me today yet. We used to talk every day, then we stopped for a bit during my finals so I could concentrate on studying, but I thought we'd be back to this thing of ours. Well. We'll see. I don't really plan on confessing to him. I just want to stay friends. And maybe make out a little. No, scratch that last part. I'd be really happy if we just kept in contact and were as we used to be.
I love this song. *_* Currently, I'm dreaming of going to Japan and meeting Hachi~ Wah-hah-haha~
Wow. Writing it all here was better than talking to friends about it.
I think I'll stick with the blog if I have something to share in the future.
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